Badger In The Outhouse

By Randy Helton ©2006

My grandma had an outhouse on our little family farm

You’d reach it by the foot path, beside the old red barn

When I was just a little boy, I remember oh so well

How that little shed played a starring role in a story we still tell

Well Grandma was headed for the outhouse with some corncobs in a pail

When yonder came a badger, a waddlin’ down the trail

They met up at the well house, and Grandma gave a yell

Then the badger shot through the outhouse door, and from there things went to welll…

Chorus: There’s a badger in the outhouse, and Grandma’s gotta go

She’s yellin’ for the shotgun and hoppin’ to and fro

Oh the barnyard’s all a-flutter, hens flappin’ all about

And Grandma’s gonna blow a gasket if that critter don’t get out

So I brought her Pa’s old shotgun and a pocket full of shells

She tore off down the foot path, and I hid behind the well

She swore she’d get that varmint out and thus regain her throne

But the badger hissed and bared his teeth; he’d claimed it for his own

Chorus:

Spoken: Now Grandma wasn’t thinkin’ straight, she really had to go

That badger’d just plain got her goat on that morning long ago

When the shootin’ stopped and the smoke cleared, her outhouse was no more

The roof was in the pasture and the walls lay by the floor

The door was shot to splinters, the stool blown to the ground

Then I saw that badger clear the fence on a bee-line to his mound

Chorus: